Mercedes' Dirge Read online

  MERCEDES’ DIRGE

  By Belle Zimet

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  EPILOGUE

  Chapter 1

  “How depressing,” Ella sighed aloud to no one as she stared thoughtfully at her new drivers license. It was so exciting to get your license at 16, but less exciting at 28, when the occasion was divorce and reclaiming your maiden name. A name she’d gone by much longer than her married name, but it felt so foreign now.

  Ella Dolan. Who was that now? She was aiming for hopeful, strong, newly independent woman, but kept feeling like a bitter castoff.

  Brandon’s affair had been a shock, but wasn’t as dramatic as one would think. No lipstick on the collar or late nights at the office. Just a revelation, on a normal wednesday night that Brandon was in love with someone else, at this very table for two. Now just one.

  She found herself wondering constantly about Brandon’s new love. Was she beautiful? Did she have a fantastic rack? Ella couldn’t help but wish desperately that she was a flat milk sop, but knew it would make no difference. She didn’t want Brandon back anyhow.

  What she wanted was wine. With a resigned sigh she threw the license down and pushed herself up from the well-worn kitchen table. She poured herself a smoky cabernet, a nicer bottle that she’d been saving for a particularly momentous or trying day. This qualified as both.

  She told herself that tonight was the night she would need to figure out her game plan. She could no longer afford to live in the house on her own. Looking for a new apartment was at the bottom of the list of things she wanted to do, but the time had come. The finality of it was looming, and the luxury of procrastinating on it was becoming increasingly impractical.

  Her cell phone buzzed from the cavernous wreck that was her purse. She contemplated letting the call go, but decided to put down her glass and go digging.

  “Hi, creep.” She answered with a smile, putting it on speaker.

  “Hey, jerk.” Her brother Troy laughed. “I have news.”

  She slipped off her shoes and slid onto the couch, clutching her wine and tossing the phone beside her. “Oooh, do tell.”

  “Well, first let me ask you if you would like to come and have an extended stay out here? There weather out there sounds depressing.” He began.

  “The thought of staying with mom and dad is far worse. How much of mom’s meatloaf must I eat in life? Plus, I think they are housing foreign exchange students.” She gagged remembering her mom’s penchant for serving the god awful meat blob for every special dinner.

  “Stay with us. We have plenty of room. And I swear I’ll only spoon feed you higher quality meatloaf.” He offered.

  “Where would you put me? In the bathtub?” She asked, baffled by his offer. Troy and his wife Alexa had been stepping on each other's toes for years in a painfully cramped one bedroom.

  “Trust me, we have plenty of room.” His voice dripped tantalizingly with his concealed news. “We’re going to be living in the house and fixing it up.”

  She vaguely felt as though she were supposed to know what he was talking about and wondered if she had missed an email or five. “What house?” She asked after a beat.

  “The house, Ella. You know which one.”

  Ella nearly spouted wine, when she realized what house he was referring to. “I don’t know what to say, Troy. How and why?”

  “Alexa and I are ready to start a family, and we can’t do it in this apartment. As we were lamenting our inability to move up to a more appropriate house, Alexa’s parents offered up the house. I guess they finally realized that they couldn’t just sit on the property any longer, letting it lapse into disrepair.” He revealed all in one breath.

  “How are you going to fix up that mansion? It has to be a mess after all of these years. Then there are property taxes, etc. It’s very costly.” She questioned, still stunned.

  “We want to turn it into a bed and breakfast.” He told her excitedly.

  She thought about the size and grandeur of the property, located on an ocean view lot in La Jolla, California and began nodding slowly.

  “I like it.” She told him encouragingly. “Are they funding the renovation and start up costs?”

  “They are investing some cash, and we have our own savings to draw from, as well. I plan to do as much as I can myself. I contract out to other people, so I may as well use my skills for my own future.” She could practically hear him shrugging.

  “So I guess that just leaves the question of how everyone’s handling the thought of opening the place up and living in it. Is Alexa OK with this plan?” She asked carefully, drumming her fingers on her goblet.

  “We all mulled it over for quite awhile, but came to the conclusion that the impracticality of just leaving it there to rot is just too wasteful. Selling wasn’t an option for them since the house has been in the family for so long. Plus, I don’t think they could bear selling it just because Mercedes loved it so much. It’s all they have left of her, no matter how macabre in may be.” His voice was soft and it was clear that the ghosts of hours of deep discussions haunted it.

  “But she was also killed there.” Ella choked out. “ Alexa went through so much. How can she live there and renovate? If I recall, they never even packed up Mercedes’ room.”

  “It’s true.” He sighed. “It’s sitting there exactly the same as it was. It’s eerie and sad, but I think Alexa is prepared to deal with being back in the house. I mean, what more is there to do? I know Mercedes wouldn’t have wanted them to just abandon it forever.”

  “Troy, are you trying to convince yourself that she’s ready?” Ella questioned bluntly.

  “No, Alexa is trying to convince me that she is ready. I have to take her at her word. I was probably the biggest neighsayer, but her therapist thinks it’s a fine idea. She thinks that lovingly renovating the house and raising her own family there would be therapeutic.” He told her patiently.

  “Well, It’s really a fantastic idea.” She told him sincerely.

  “Thank you.” He said, voice brightening. “Are you interested in coming out to stay? I think it would be helpful for you and Alexa to help each other through these times.”

  “I’ll have to think about it, Troy.” She sighed, massaging one of her temples. “I know it wasn’t my idea to move here, but I did make the best of it and eked out a social circle and a decent profession. “

  “Alright, let me know if you change your mind. No matter what happens I’ll be sure to update you. We move in this Friday.” There was disappointment in his voice, but no surprise.

  Ella found herself quite dazed when they eventually got off of the phone. The news was strange, unexpected and opened up a flood of unwelcome old memories. She hadn’t thought of Mercedes in so long, and at this point she was like a beautiful, if not unwelcome, abstract and tragic memory.

  Ella realized she couldn’t possibly muster the emotional bandwidth to apartment search tonight. It was too daunting and too final. She was exhausted, both mentally and physically and her bed called to her. More screamed, if she were being honest. Oh, I’m coming bed, just you wait.

  As she huddled in her covers, the dark like a warm, comforting cocoon, her mind turned to Mercedes. God, she had been ridiculously beautiful. The kind of girl you saw rarely on the street where you swear she must be famou
s, just too extraordinary to not be. Ella immediately felt the rush of sadness and tried to turn her thoughts to happier things, but was found wanting. Sleep took its time in arriving, but when it did, she was swallowed happily.

  Chapter 2

  Saturday rolled around and Ella reluctantly rolled out of bed and dressed for errands. She knew she had put off a trip to the grocery store for long enough, considering her dinner last night had been semi stale crackers and pickles. Leaving the house and facing the snow was hard, but she pulled it together and decided she would buy enough food to last a while, so she could hunker down like a hermit in comfort.

  It was in the pasta aisle where she faced the ground assault. She heard giggling and instinctively looked up. Unfortunately they instinctively looked down the aisle and they made eye contact. It was solid enough that Ella couldn’t look away and feign ignorance to their presence. Plus, it was like a car wreck. She was drawn to looking and all her obsessive questions were answered in the blink of an eye.

  Her heart sank. The home wrecker was pretty. Not stunning, but credibly pretty, and her rack was moderately impressive. She couldn’t have been more than a few years younger than Ella, and her eyes were large and bright. There was nothing especially alluring about her features, but as a whole, her heart shaped mouth and small nose complimented by a rosy complexion made her seem pleasant and fun. Her blonde hair was shiny and fell softly past her shoulders and her appearance was culminated by an annoyingly trim figure.

  Ella was suddenly feebly glad that she had taken some care with her appearance and thought that she could be intimidating to the other woman, though she hated herself at the same time for caring. She resolved to stand her ground and try not to attack either one of them.

  She observed them as blankly as she could as they slowly approached her, though her heart beating furiously felt like a dead giveaway, as if they could hear it. Even in the blatant discomfort of the situation, they reeked of the blissful happiness that could only be found in the dawn of a new relationship. Brandon looked great, and that was almost more of an affront than his girlfriend’s good-looks. A look of panic was barely masked on the girl’s face and it gave Ella a brief sense of satisfaction.

  “Hey, Ella.” He said carefully.

  “Hey, Brandon.” She answered without offering any other utterances that might make his job easier.

  “How are you doing?” He asked hollowly, obviously not really wanting an answer.

  “How do you think? Who’s this with you, Brandon?” She asked tensely, wanting him to spell it out for her.

  “This is Megan.” He looked at Megan reassuringly and nodded toward Ella. “This is Ella, my ex wife.”

  Ella snorted. He was acting like it was a complete surprise, as if Megan hadn’t been an integral part of their break up. “Not quite yet, Brandon. It’s not completely final. We still have assets to split. Plus, I’m sure Megan here knows exactly who I am. Don’t you, Megan?”

  Megan just looked at her wide-eyed. “Do I need to break it down into one syllable words for you, Megan?” Ella snapped. She knew that she wasn’t going down the path she had originally wanted to, but the rage was welling in her faster then she could process it and the words were just gurgling out of her mouth of her of their own accord. “I guess it’s not surprising that you would seek out a mute since you only like to hear yourself speak, Brandon.”

  “You’re being an idiot, Ella.” Brandon croaked angrily, as he protectively pulled Megan to him.

  Ella began to answer but saw that Megan was shaking with indignity. Ella laughed. “Oh, be quiet, Brandon. You’re little twit is trying to form words. Maybe you should hold her hand for support.”

  “Fu-fuck you, bitch!” Megan spit out with some conviction.

  “Mmm...no, Megan, you are the bitch and I bestow this fuck to you. Enjoy him. What did you think was going to happen when you saw the other half of the couple you broke up? Did you think I would give you flowers and freshly baked cookies?”

  “He would have left you anyway, bitch! You're ridiculous and cold and he didn’t love you anymore!” Megan was starting to move forward aggressively and Brandon grabbed her arms to still her.

  “Is that what he told you? Well, start your clock because in about six years he’ll call you cold and ridiculous too and tell the next slut that he doesn’t love you anymore while he bangs her in your car.” Ella felt tears welling in her eyes and decided that there was no way she could reduce herself to fighting with this girl, or sobbing in front of either of them.

  “Nice, Ella. I’m counting the fucking minutes until I don’t ever have to think about you again!” Brandon shouted as he forcibly dragged Megan away.

  Ella didn’t dignify the comment with a retort. She stood there blankly until they were gone and then she left her full cart there and walked briskly out of the store. She begged herself not to run and somehow managed to make it out without quickening her step past the point of dignity. The tears, however, did not obey and ran hotly down her scarlet face.

  She let out a pained sob when she got into the car. How could she have started that? Who was she? She was angrier at Brandon than ever before and had been reduced to a talk show reject in a matter of moments. The hot rage had felt so good in the moment, but now she felt empty and ashamed.

  She fumbled around for her phone and called her closest friend in town Kathy. When she answered, Ella unloaded in a barely coherent string of sob-laden words in lieu of a greeting.

  Kathy listened quietly and only spoke when Ella paused long enough to let it sink in and catch her breath. “I know, Ella. He called us right before you did.”

  “Can’t he leave my friends alone?” Ella shook her head angrily.

  “He and Jeff are pretty good friends, Ella.” Kathy gently pointed out.

  Ella felt her heart sink again and she couldn’t believe the thing was still beating in her body and hadn’t fallen out completely. “I guess I should have expected it. We don’t have kids, so I guess the only logical custody battle would be for our friends.” She said with a vague attempt at a snicker.

  “Ella, you know I’m your friend first. I can’t tell Jeff who to associate with, or I would definitely insist that he not talk to that asshole anymore.” The sincerity in her voice was clear, but it didn’t change their reality.

  “Thanks,” Ella said, feeling a little bit eased. “Did he sound angry?”

  “He was very angry and his shitty girlfriend couldn’t shut her mouth in the background. I was proud.” Kathy laughed.

  “It wasn’t my finest moment, but I don’t know that I would necessarily take it back either.” Ella shook her head with a soft chuckle.

  “I’m glad she was confronted. She needs to see what she participated in. It’s too easy to ignore collateral damage when you’re in a new dick haze and don’t have to see it firsthand.”

  “Thanks, Kathy.” She said leaning forward into the steering wheel and closing her eyes. “Welp, I think I’m going to die now.”

  “Call me if you need anything. A vodka cocktail, a Molotav cocktail or a vibrator. ”

  “All the above?” Ella said, thinking that the whole trifecta sounded pretty good.

  After they said their goodbyes Ella composed herself and drove herself home in a cloud of embarrassment and shame. What could she do? They moved here as a couple, and nearly every friend they’d made was also part of a couple. They were the first in their group to divorce, and it would be an instant replay with anyone she called. What would they do for parties? One off and one on? Would they go to the parties and he would take the early shift while she takes the late shift?

  Ella shook her head and tried to shoo the silly thoughts from her head. But she couldn’t actually shake them because every road she took, everything she saw was a reminder of her life with Brandon. Every time she would see a friend she would know that he had been there before her airing their dirty laundry.

  Ella arrived home, still without groceries, but filled with
dread at the loneliness that awaited her behind the blue front door that had once housed happiness. It made her decide to put the prevarication to an end. She took a deep breath and called Troy.

  “Is the offer still open?” She asked, in lieu of greeting when he answered.

  “Yes.” He just about yelled without hesitation. “When do you want to come out?”

  “As soon as possible.” She answered as she sat down at her desk and booted her PC. “I’m going online and looking it up now.”

  “What changed your mind?” He asked, with a tinge of concern in his voice at her complete reversal of decision. “Did something happen? Did you talk to him?”

  “Worse.” She said, while viciously typing onto travel sites. “I saw him and Oregon Barbie. Not good.”

  “Want to go into detail?”

  “I’ll have plenty of time to regale you with stories of how I nearly cut a bitch in the aisle of WinCo.” She said offhandedly while scanning dates and flights. “Next Saturday OK for you?”

  “With that kind of lead in I’m counting the minutes, sister.”

  Chapter 3

  As Ella settled into her cramped airline seat, she gave an audible sigh. Had she really just wrapped up her Oregon life that quickly? She had been running on the same steam from the Saturday before and suddenly felt like she would pass out before the plane could even leave the ground.

  Brandon was now in charge of the sale of the house, and was undoubtedly filled with glee at the idea of getting to live there in the interim with Megan. Good. Let him have the mortgage and the bad memories. Certainly, he was happy that she was leaving Oregon. Of course, she was not sure she was leaving for good and had put in for a leave of absence, but she couldn’t quite finalize the decision to the point of quitting outright. Her spontaneity only extended so far, and she preferred to think it wasn’t to lunacy.

  She had explained to Brandon that she was going on an extended vacation. Their conversation had been terse, and devoid of all mention of the supermarket disaster, which was fine with her. She certainly wasn’t proud of the debacle.